So, I was creeping on my own Tumblr from a year ago, trying to see how I’ve changed since then. Other than the decline in posts about the end of the Harry Potter series, I seem to have the same interests — with the exception of my fears post in June.
I’m afraid that I won’t succeed. I have these moments when I realize that life isn’t going to be like college, like school in general, and I’m going to have to work harder and just be more lucky than I have been the past five years…and even then, there’s no guarantee.
I am absolutely still afraid of this, but I definitely feel like I am more on track. Even if that track is wrong or I get derailed, I feel like I have become at least smart enough to figure out a way to keep going.
I’m afraid I won’t live up to my own expectations for myself.
I’ve learned to work towards fulfilling my expectations rather than hope for them to be fulfilled.
I’m afraid my brother and sister won’t have the same opportunities as I have had.
This is still terrifying.
I’m afraid I’ll fail French or fail at life next semester.
Well, I kicked ass in French. And in life.
I’m afraid of being forever alone. Not that I’m dying for a boyfriend or anything, it’s more like I’m afraid I’ll never have kids or someone to come home to at the end of the day. My double fear in that aspect is that I won’t have someone to come home to after a long day working at a job that was never part of my dream.
This is also still terrifying. I don’t have any illusions about how my relationship may or may not work out post-Catholic, but I think I might be strong enough to still make the life that I want.
I’m irrationally afraid of getting shot. I would actually rather that I get attacked in person than get shot.
Nope, this one is still true.
I’m afraid of being unemployed and poor. Legitimately. Every moment that I wasn’t working during May I felt like my heart was being wrenched out.
I’m more resigned to the fact that I’m going to be poor for at least the next ten years of my life. Poor, but happy.
I’m afraid of being my parents.
Still a fear, but not as much. My mom is incredible and I would be lucky to have a fraction of her strength and perseverance.
I’m afraid of a lot of things, but I try to not let them bring me down every day.